– Debriefing GLWS – Authentic Relationships

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Our relationships with our family, friends, colleagues and community

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Working Well

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https://courses.glwswellbeing.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2020/07/MyGLWS_21.jpg” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.16″ always_center_on_mobile=”on” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_image][et_pb_accordion closed_toggle_text_color=”#ffffff” closed_toggle_background_color=”#0080b2″ icon_color=”#ffffff” _builder_version=”4.16″ toggle_font=”|700|||||||” toggle_font_size=”18″ toggle_line_height=”21px” text_orientation=”left” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I feel part of a close, supportive team” open=”on” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”]Social wellbeing is the extent to which we feel a sense of belonging, support and inclusion and teams in the workplace have a critical impact on most people’s wellbeing.

[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I feel respected at work and that other people take me seriously” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]Our self-image can be strongly influenced by how we are treated in the workplace and the extent to which we enjoy the respect of others.

[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I have fun and share light-hearted moments with my colleagues” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]Whilst we know a predominantly hedonistic lifestyle based on pursuit of shallow and transient pleasures is not ultimately conducive to sustaining our wellbeing – we also know that the occasional incorporation of pleasure for pleasure’s sake is an important element of many people’s wellbeing.

[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I trust my boss” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]If this is an amber or red flag, this has the potential to have a very serious negative impact on the individual and should definitely be explored in the debrief. We know from the engagement literature, this is one of the main sources of dissatisfaction and distress in the workplace. In a matrix, partnership or other complex organisational structure you may also need to explore who exactly the respondent has in mind.

[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I am treated by my colleagues in the way I want to be treated” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]Bottom line for you as coach is to identify the change that will be helpful and strategies for achieving this.

Explore assertive communication skills and associated constructs such as sense of self-worth, and social confidence as potential coaching requirements.
[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I experience toxic relationships at work” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]

Explore strategies for improving the relationships, as well as those to help changing thought and behavioural patterns to minimise damaging impact – distraction, avoidance, seeking support. If improvements for the individual seems unrealistic then explore exit options or ways of ending the relationships in question.

[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”The politics at work detract from my wellbeing” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]Explore where the politics come from – maybe outside their own team and therefore less potent.

Explore the issue of politics versus how they react to them? They can choose to accept that this occurs and let it go – i.e. choose a different reaction.

[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”At work I go out of my way to show empathy for others’ feelings and needs” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]Being emotionally generous towards others is strongly linked to wellbeing benefits for the ‘giver’ of the empathy. The intent of this question is to highlight the role of empathy in forming stronger, deeper connections in the workplace – people who are heard and understood have more trust and goodwill to contribute and it creates a virtuous circle. From a leadership perspective, leadership = creating followers, and this can only be achieved by engaging with people at an emotional level (Robertson 2006)

Some respondents report that they don’t ‘go out of their way’ to do this, it comes naturally to them, and they don’t like the question as it implies a lack of authenticity or a contrived/manipulative vibe.

Explore why they don’t – lack of time, don’t care, people are too needy etc.

Explore in relation to other responses in this domain – are they treated as they want, do they feel part of a supportive team? How might they need to change their behaviour to elicit the responses they would like?
[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”My work is acknowledged and appreciated” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]May connect with trusting the boss item, also in R&E (‘I doubt myself more than I probably should at work’) – lack of feedback can exacerbate the self-doubt. May also be appropriate to warn against dangers of looking to others for validation, and to promote more in the way of self-compassion and self-approval.

[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I know where I stand with regard to my performance at work” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]Ditto as item above – where do they get this insight from, and from where (and WHY) would they like more?

[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I feel I miss out on building close relationships at work because of the demands of my personal life” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]There can be many demands that people face in their personal lives that limit the time and opportunities available for building close relationships with colleagues. Transitioning from being a singleton to being married or in a committed partnership and/or to being a parent are classic sources of tension for many, presenting a dilemma and difficult choices that cannot ever really be resolved, rather adjusted to or accepted.

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Living Well

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https://courses.glwswellbeing.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2020/07/MyGLWS_13-2.jpg” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.16″ always_center_on_mobile=”on” global_colors_info=”{}”][/et_pb_image][et_pb_accordion closed_toggle_text_color=”#ffffff” closed_toggle_background_color=”#0080b2″ icon_color=”#ffffff” _builder_version=”4.16″ toggle_font=”|700|||||||” toggle_font_size=”18″ toggle_line_height=”21px” text_orientation=”left” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_accordion_item title=”My relationships with the key people in my life are as I want them to be” open=”on” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”]The ability to suspend negative judgments, avoid over-criticizing and to focus on the positives is associated with having happier and longer marriages! (Fisher, 2012). Making affectionate comments to friends and family lowers both the giver’s and receiver’s cortisol (stress) levels.

If this is rated low, there may be challenges in relationships with parents, children (especially teenagers), siblings, don’t assume the issues or challenges lie with the partner/spouse.

Respondents may have been prompted by this question to realise that they are not giving to their relationships in the way they would like – that they need to change something about how they behave towards their key people.

Explore what is behind their response to the item and encourage self-reflection about their contribution to the situation as they see it.

[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I have a fulfilling relationship with at least one significant person in my life” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]Perhaps we are ultimately responsible for our own joy, but for many people happiness is found and purpose derived from being in a fulfilling relationship with others—being in a relationship with all the messiness, drama, kindness, frustration, and delight that any good relationship entails. Discuss research on relationships; this is why it’s in the survey, seek permission to explore.

[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I feel lonely or isolated” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]Very big words for a respondent to endorse – worth acknowledging this. Even though our need to connect is innate, some of us always go home alone. Or, we could have people around us throughout the day or even be in a lifelong marriage, and still experience a deep, pervasive loneliness. Unsurprisingly, isolation can have a serious detrimental effect on one’s mental and physical health. Sensitive exploration of their situation and the impact this has on the respondent is needed here.

Gentle encouragement to build a network or reconnect with friends and how to do this can be useful.

Be aware for signs of depression – where does this person get social support?
[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I can raise concerns or problems with my family and friends” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]Communication between loved ones is critically important to maintaining good relationships over time.

Remember someone else might be best placed to assist the respondent if the difficulties seem entrenched or intractable.
[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I contribute to other people’s success and happiness” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]Link to research on altruism, giving and acts of kindness (positively impact happiness and wellbeing for the giver). Also, important to feel useful to others. Genuinely delighting in helping others is a proven driver of our own happiness, so look for opportunities to offer help.

Explore reasons for the response – is there something they wish they were doing more of but aren’t? Or are they unsure to whom they can contribute in this way?

Be aware that highly self-critical respondents may reflect a more negative response here than is objectively the case – this might need a gentle challenge of their belief that they are not contributing to others’ success and happiness.

You may also come across individuals who feel not only that they don’t make others happy but in fact that they are contributing to others’ misery; in such cases gently challenge what makes them think/feel this is so, and if warranted, what changes they could make that would be helpful in improving the relationship
[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I spend time and do things with the people I like” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]This often seems to relate to people who are feeling too busy with work/home/family demands to make time to see others who are important to them – extended family, and friends.

(Meet a friend for a meal, arrange an activity with a friend, quarantine some time every month to catch up with people you like and diarise this – have a look at responses to Balance & Boundaries items to identify any underlying issues.)
[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I experience damaging relationships in my personal life” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]Ask if the respondent is happy to discuss this – don’t assume.

(If none/little or if you have unresolved concern for ‘safety’ – provide referral to counsellor or therapist.)
[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I give and receive love, warmth and affection” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]We hope most respondents ‘green flag’ this item and for those that don’t, we hope it is simply a reminder to be proactive in looking for opportunities to give love, warmth and affection more frequently to their loved ones. Encourage them to be clear with others what they most value and appreciate in them. If there are opportunities but the respondent is indicating they have difficulty expressing love and warmth, a referral to a psychologist or therapist may be helpful in helping them to develop these relationship skills.

If the respondent is reflecting that they don’t receive love, warmth and affection, other items are likely to be consistent with this picture – e.g. ‘relationships are not as I would like’, ‘feeling lonely or isolated’. In this instance, sensitive exploration of the respondent’s current personal situation and satisfaction with this is recommended, with a focus on creating more opportunities.

In the case of an unsatisfying relationship, exploring what other help the individual has sought or might seek to assist them may be a good place to start.
[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I feel I am important to my family and friends” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]The desire to be taken seriously is important for wellbeing – feeling unimportant to your family and friends is not conducive to positive, encouraging relationships.

[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”My family and friends would say I am distracted when I am with them” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]It is not uncommon to see these items given an orange or red flag even when the remaining items in this section are green. If this is the case, it can be worth asking how long the respondent will keep the positive relationships if they don’t address the issue of being ‘fully present’ when they are with their loved ones.

[/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”I feel my personal relationships suffer as a consequence of my work” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”]It is not uncommon to see these items given an orange or red flag even when the remaining items in this section are green. If this is the case, it can be worth asking how long the respondent will keep the positive relationships if they don’t address the issue of being present when they are with their loved ones.

[/et_pb_accordion_item][/et_pb_accordion][/et_pb_column_inner][/et_pb_row_inner][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_cta title=”Information & tools” admin_label=”HEADING – Information & tools” _builder_version=”4.16″ header_font=”|700|||||||” header_text_color=”#f6921e” header_line_height=”31px” background_color=”#f2f2f2″ text_orientation=”left” background_layout=”light” custom_margin=”||0px|” custom_padding=”25px|25px|0px|25px” header_font_size_tablet=”” header_font_size_phone=”” header_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” header_line_height_tablet=”” header_line_height_phone=”” header_line_height_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}” button_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_text_size__hover=”null” button_one_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_size__hover=”null” button_two_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_size__hover=”null” 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An inspiring New York Times article from 2015 by Frank Bruni about cementing your relationships with your family

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A handout giving broad insights on how to think differently and more positively about relations at work and at home

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HBR Article on how to have difficult conversation

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Article with practical tips on how to invest more time in relationships

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A wellbeing insights article from EEK & SENSE

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Get smarter on your smartphone

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Guided 6 minute meditation to develop peace and kindness

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Handout on building Authentic Relationships by remembering positive times

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A wellbeing insight article from EEK & Sense

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An easy to read article with insights on your brain’s biochemistry

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A wellbeing insight article from EEK & Sense

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A practical exercise to encourage you to ‘take in the good’

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Information and suggestion handout for building warmth and connectivity with others

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A longer meditation (13 mins) from WiseMindBody to develop compassion for self and others

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A wellbeing insight article from EEK & Sense

[/et_pb_cta][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ background_color=”#f6921e” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_cta title=”Tip:” button_url=”#” url_new_window=”on” admin_label=”Be alert to the potential need to recommend further support from other professionals in relation to ‘red flags’ in this domain, especially in the Living Well section e.g. referrals to relationship counsellors or family therapists” _builder_version=”4.16″ header_font_size=”40″ header_line_height=”45px” body_font_size=”22″ body_line_height=”27px” use_background_color=”off” custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#ffffff” button_border_color=”#ffffff” button_border_radius=”100″ button_icon=”5||divi||400″ button_icon_color=”#ffffff” header_font_size_tablet=”30″ header_font_size_phone=”26″ header_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” header_line_height_tablet=”35px” header_line_height_phone=”31px” header_line_height_last_edited=”on|phone” button_text_color_hover=”#ffffff” button_border_color_hover=”#ffffff” button_border_radius_hover=”100″ global_colors_info=”{}” button_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_text_size__hover=”null” button_one_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_size__hover=”null” button_two_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_size__hover=”null” button_text_color__hover_enabled=”on” button_text_color__hover=”#ffffff” button_one_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_color__hover=”null” button_two_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_color__hover=”null” button_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_width__hover=”null” button_one_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_width__hover=”null” button_two_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_width__hover=”null” button_border_color__hover_enabled=”on” button_border_color__hover=”#ffffff” button_one_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_color__hover=”null” button_two_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_color__hover=”null” button_border_radius__hover_enabled=”on” button_border_radius__hover=”100″ button_one_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_radius__hover=”null” button_two_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_radius__hover=”null” button_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_letter_spacing__hover=”null” button_one_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_letter_spacing__hover=”null” button_two_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_letter_spacing__hover=”null” button_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_bg_color__hover=”null” button_one_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_bg_color__hover=”null” button_two_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_bg_color__hover=”null”]

Be alert to the potential need to recommend further support from other professionals in relation to ‘red flags’ in this domain, especially in the Living Well section e.g. referrals to relationship counsellors or family therapists

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